FDOC

Intimidated and confused by your first day of classes? The Chronicle's arts and entertainment section is here to help. recess' Andrew Hibbard takes you through the perfect way, or at the very least, the realistic way, to make the most of FDOC (First Day of Classes. See also FFDOC).

If LDOC is a booze-infused, chaotic celebration of completion, FDOC is a funerary occasion. The beginning of a long semester of classes, work and that constant struggle to salvage your sagging GPA. But it doesn't have to be that way. Your first day of classes can be a jubilant day-a day of hope for the future and a chance to get a new start. Your semester might take a turn for the worse, but with recess' guide, you can at least have a good FDOC.

8:30 a.m. Naturally, you, ambitious student, you enrolled for lots of early morning classes. And, on day one, you're already late. But worry not, you still have a semester to make up for this one tardy (or drop the class). Just throw your flip-flops on and chew some gum to cover up that beer breath. Effort is all that matters on the first day.

8:34 a.m. Stop and grab today's Chronicle because what is class without knowing today's news toiling in your mind? Or a crossword puzzle. Even if your classes today will be dismissed after 20 minutes, you're going to need that Chronicle. The one you're holding in your hands right now. So grab it. Everyday. For the rest of the semester. (Disclaimer: The Chronicle does not endorse reading the day's news or doing the Sudoku from "The Tower of Campus Thought and Action" during class. recess might).

9:15 a.m. Having already missed that first class because "the bus was late," just forgo the impending embarrassment and drop it. Get yourself some breakfast to ease your troubled mind.

9:59 a.m. After stopping to talk to some of your BFFs from freshmen year on the main quadrangle ("Oh my God! How was your summer? You look so thin! Where'd you get those shoes? They're so cute. Let's grab lunch sometime. Love you. Kiss kiss. See you at chapter!"), you finally make your way to The Refectory for that last bit of cold baked oatmeal. Why does lunch start at 10 a.m. on a college campus? No one knows. But you've missed that oatmeal. It's like a fluffy, crumbled cookie in a bowl. Yum yum.

4:25 p.m. The last class you had was a dud, but you're feeling that this going to be a good one. It's innate. You just know. You're ready to take notes and make it your favorite class of the semester.

5:00 p.m. The class gets out 40 minutes early. Another dud. There have to be some good classes out there, right? Maybe there's still a spot in that Lit class about vampires. "Twilight," Anne Rice and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." How bad can that be?

5:57 p.m. Even with a day of abbreviated classes, the prospect of stacking four classes into one Monday is starting to seem daunting. Sure Tuesday, Thursday and Friday will be great. But seriously? Before you try it on for size, just drop it. It's for your sanity.

10:00 p.m. You've made it! FDOC is complete. Have a drink or two. It's not like this is going to turn into a habit that's going to severely affect the quality of your coursework over the semester (Disclaimer: The Chronicle does not endorse weeknight or underage drinking. recess? Officially, no.)

2:00 a.m. If you're still up, go to sleep. Because tomorrow, it starts again. And it goes on until December. Get your sleep while you can.

Andrew Hibbard is the editor of recess, The Chronicle's arts and entertainment section, which is published every Thursday. Look for it on the stands this week.